“People wish to be settled; only as far as they are unsettled is there any hope for them.”

—Ralph Waldo Emerson

This quote sums up why it is so difficult being in any role that involves people and performance. 

Over the years, as I have spoken to and interacted with many individuals and groups, I have recommended various actions that, if implemented, would improve performance and lead to better results. A common response I hear is, “I am not comfortable doing that.” As I often share, when looking up “leadership” in a dictionary, comfortable is not included in the definition. 

Here are some suggestions that have received pushback in the past:

One example is the suggestion to let your customers or clients know your training and experience. Think of a scenario in which a chef comes out, introduces themselves and reviews what will be served. What if the chef added where they went to culinary school and mentioned their other training and experience. This addition not only impresses the people hearing it but informs them in a way that they can share it with others. This creates effective word of mouth.

The pushback received is that saying these things sounds like bragging. My response is, “No, it creates a feeling of confidence in the customer.” Check the information on a poster about a show, play, or performer. Often, you’ll see that well-known, positive things are shared: if they are a winner of a Tony on Broadway, how many top-40 hits they have, if they are a best-selling author or a Pulitzer Prize recipient, etc. 

This is an easier example of being unsettled (which means change) and discomfort. There are others.

I recently spoke with a top executive about the need to share clear objectives and goals with everyone in the organization. I could tell by the look on his face that he was balking at the idea. His worry was, What if I don’t achieve those goals? How will I look?  

Here’s another example. Years ago, when I was a healthcare administrator, the decision was made that the potential employees’ coworkers would be part of the interview process and would make the final decision if the potential coworker would be a good hire. Many leaders were reluctant to do this and one even quit. After peer interviewing was implemented and it worked, the reluctant leaders jumped on board. The person who had left even asked to come back (which they did but in a non-supervisory role).

How about admitting a mistake? We make mistakes with customers and employees, yet many are not comfortable saying, “I was wrong,” or, “We were wrong,” or, “My mistake.”

Yes, taking actions that make us uncomfortable is hard. Making and/or taking actions that create discomfort in others is just as hard or even harder.

Let’s say the yearly budget you are given is less than you had asked for. It will mean letting the staff know that more help will not be hired or a new piece of equipment will not be bought. As a leader you have a choice: You can just blame corporate or you can carry the message yourself. Those who carry the message themselves and take ownership of it are the real leaders. 

Or suppose an employee you like very much is not performing well and you need to let them know their job with the company is in jeopardy or you may even be to the point of letting them go. Certainly, this conversation will not be comfortable. Yet, if you don’t take this difficult action, the rest of the workforce will lose confidence in you. The most important thing we do as leaders is acknowledging how our decisions impact others.

Here are some tips for handling the unsettling that you will experience as a leader:

1. Realize that discomfort is normal. As M. Scott Peck wrote in his book The Road Less Traveled, “Life is difficult…Once we truly know that life is difficult—once we truly understand and accept it—then life is no longer difficult.” 

2. Own the message. It is easy to blame others. Saying to the staff that you don’t like it either, but it is corporate’s position, impacts the company poorly. Don’t be afraid to ask corporate to explain something further so you can better understand the decision and explain it to your staff. It will still be uncomfortable, but it is the way a good manager handles things. As Jim Collins wrote in the book Good to Great, great leaders own tough messages and take responsibility for less-than-desired results.

3. Understand the why. Yes, sharing with a customer or client your education, training, and experience might seem like self-promotion to you, but it is not. It is reducing the customer’s or client’s anxiety and building confidence in the receiver of such services. I went to a dermatologist about a mark on my face. The physician looked it over, took a small sample, sent it to pathology, and asked me to wait until the results came back in about 30 minutes. When the results came back, he shared that it was skin cancer and it needed to come out. I then asked him, in the nicest way I could, where he went to medical school and did his residency. He answered that he graduated from Vanderbilt University School of Medicine and completed both his residency and a fellowship in dermatology there. My anxiety went way down. Was he bragging? No. It is the same no matter what industry: law, service, jewelry, clothes, food, flights, and on and on.

Discomfort is neither good nor bad. Change is change. It gets a bad rap at times, yet some change can be very good. That new baby, new job, new house, car, city, or even that new understanding—all of these are uncomfortable, because all mean an adjustment in some manner.

Leadership means unsettling ourselves and others. The most effective leaders realize that being unsettled is part of the process of life, and they work to understand and role model this truth.